How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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