Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
