Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
