you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
