tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
