If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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