Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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