I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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