I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
