Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
