my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
