note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
