my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
