Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
