My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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