I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize