i would punch a child for taco bell
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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