i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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