I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
