great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
