never play flip cup with pint glasses
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
