I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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