There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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