Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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