What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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