Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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