watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I enjoy the company of your penis
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