We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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