also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
