I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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