we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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