I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
