I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
