Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
