Duck Duck Cougar?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
