I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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