there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
