I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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