he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
