I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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