i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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