Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
