I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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