Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
