yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
