new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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