DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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