i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
