Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
