like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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