Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want to be your penis for a week.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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