Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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