john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
