That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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