She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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