Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
