You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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