He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
