So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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